Life turns around on a dime.

My brother is free from his cancer and I am free from depression. The medicine helped me escape my own personal hell and I am happier than I've been in years! I have fallen in love with a man who amazes me!

I don't know how I fell in love. A few months ago I was sure I'd never fall in love again. I was quite certain nobody would ever love me and that I would die lonely. Then, a man landed on my doorstep because he missed me from before. He had treated me wrongly and he came to make amends.

We began to date and I gave him a chance. The only reason I gave him a chance was because I had such a long history of dating guys and dumping them immediately for no good reason. I guess I was scared of getting close, and scared of letting anybody know the real me. I didn't want them to know the real me, because if they never knew the real me then they could never reject me.

I lost all sense of this danger of letting him know the real me because I didn't care. I have been through so much that I finally realized that anyone I know must know who I am, what I'm like, and STILL accept me for it. For the first few weeks our interactions were stifled. We enjoyed activities together, but we were still feeling each other out. Then came some fights where I showed him how I want to be respected and treated. At any other moment I would have dumped this guy, but I had promised myself I would date him for a specific amount of time before dumping him. I was counting the days before I could break up with him.

Out of nowhere, things seemed to turn around. He became less stoic and less reserved. He began to listen to me when I told him I liked to be held. He started believing me when I told him I thought he was incredibly handsome. I don't even know how all of this happened. We took some trips together. I think things began to cement into place on our last trip. We talked a lot and we ran together, played together, and took our own space. He admired me and I admired him. He pissed me off, and I overcame it.

This past week we had another amazing trip. I began to know I loved him. I wasn't sure how he felt though, and when I told him I had to tell him something, he told me I didn't have to tell him a thing. So, I was scared to say anything.

Today out of the clear blue sky he told me he is in love with me. He has told me I'm so perfect for him it scares him. He has told me that life with me will seem like three lifetimes, because it already feels like we've been together so long. I can tell he is genuine when he says these things, and he says them as if he is himself amazed that this is possible. The moment he told me he is in love with me, I lost my breath. My body became electrified, my mouth could not stop smiling, I couldn't catch my breath, and I wanted to scream and shout and laugh and run! But I was at work so there was nothing I could do. I just smiled and smiled and smiled.

There is so much about him that I love. I love how he is so different from everybody else. He reads books with me. We lay on the floor for various lengths of time, listening to the radio, reading books together, playing with his dog, talking. He isn't afraid to say what he thinks, and he reveals his true self to me. It makes me happy that he trusts me with his innermost thoughts and feelings. I love him so much. I love him love him love him.